Infidelity can be a very cruel experience. No one wants to be cheated when it comes to love. Not you and not me! But studies indicate that women are getting more economic and sexual freedom today than it was the case some few years back, and stories about women cheating abound all around us. Talking to a best friend whom you suddenly discover is cheating on her lover can be a great challenge. Talking to a best friend who is cheating on her husband can be very challenging, even delicate, depending on the case. In order to make a significant contribution that can help you friend, you’ll need to be as objective as you can, and this could be very trying as well, especially if you are a friend of her significant other. The situation will be different from a case where she decides to confide to you than the one where you discover it yourself. You will have to take into consideration whether your best friend wants to pull it off or whether she intends to end the affair. If you have been hurt before by betrayal, you may find it difficult being objective in responding to your friend. Whatever the situation, below are some useful things to remember when talking to a friend who is cheating on her husband.
It Is Her Problem, Not Yours
Do not be tempted to act as a judge, or someone who can make decisions for your friend. The crisis is hers. You can simply be there for her. You might not know the circumstances that push your friend to act the way she does. Her infidelity might appear outrageous to you, and it can definitely alter your image of her, but you can’t judge her. Understanding the reasons why she behaves the way she does is not also very easy. Remember that you’re there to help her, not condemn her. You also have to admit that her story will affect you in many ways. It will affect your believe in love especially if you have believed so much in your friend, and it can trigger feelings of insecurity in you. You do not have to make it personal. Do not feel that she didn’t tell you early enough because she didn’t trust you or because she envied you being in a happy relationships. You should understand that it could be a very difficult thing for her too, and she could have very valid reasons for telling you, even if it is late. You do not have to end your friendship because of this. You might have your heaven but you can’t imagine what her hell feels like. You’ll find the right answers if you remain positive, understanding that your friend needs help and understanding.
Know Where to Put Your Boundaries
In situations like this one, it can be very tempting to try to act like a counselor. It is very important for you to understand that your friend’s feelings are real. Everyone experience such feelings of intense love, and being valued and needed. It is not your place to make decisions for her. As her friend, it is enough to listen, and acknowledge that she trusts you enough to confide to you. But you’ll need to set your boundaries especially when it comes to acting as an alibi for her against her husband. Your friend may want to use you to get away from her husband. You have to know where you set your boundaries. With all honesty and respect, you should let her know how you can be there for her, and the things you cannot do. You should find the right words to let her know that it is hard for you as well without dismissing her completely. She is still your friend, and she may need you now more than ever before. Also remember that the extramarital affair doesn’t make your friend a bad person. She might be doing her utmost best to find the perfect expression of her personality. Remember that you could even be worst if you were in her shoes.
Your Own Relationship Can Be Impacted Too
Your best friend’s infidelity can affect your own relationship as well, making you doubt whether it could be real or doomed to fail someday as well. Especially if you have a great trust in your friend, you may tend to feel that the same shit can happen to your relationship. Instead of feeling insecure about your relationship, you should use the opportunity to be gentler with yourself and nurture your relationship in ways you never did before. Your friend might be responsible for her life, but she isn’t responsible for yours. You should not let her story affect you negatively. The best thing you can do for her is to treat her with more love and discretion, knowing that this too will come to pass. You also have the responsibility to keep her story secret. You might be against what she is doing, but it is not your responsibility to bring it out to the public. You can encourage her to talk about it with her husband, but it is not your place to share it with whosoever.
There is no best way to handle a friend who confides her story of infidelity to you. However, if you are sensitive, you’ll find the best way to go about it. The bottom line is for you to remember that your friend can make decisions when it comes to her love life and sense of happiness. You should be as discreet as possible, and let your friend know that you respect her choices. Although they could affect your friendship in many ways, she will be the one responsible for her life in the long run.
