Ever have an insecure boyfriend who tried to control everything you did, from the food you bought at the supermarket to the music you listened to? There can be a thin line between a loving boyfriend and a controlling boyfriend. The scary thing about a controlling relationship is that a lot of the time, we don’t even realize we’re in one. When you’re in love with someone, it’s sort of like putting on a pair of rose-colored glasses – you see the happy things, the things you want to see. It’s easy to ignore the ugly things, for example, that your boyfriend might be a little too controlling.
Here are some tips on how to recognize when your boyfriend is getting controlling:
- Puts put you down in front of others
- Acts badly around people you are close to so you avoid seeing them
- Belittles you when you have good news
- Blames you for his behaviour
- Treats you more like a possession that a person
- Always wants to know where you go and who you see
- Stops you seeing family and friends
- Controls things like your money, phone or car
- Checks up on you
Realize that it may not be possible to change him, but it might be worth a try. Watch out for these “pushbacks”:
1. He might try to detach you from all your loved ones so that you’ll have nobody but him. You’ll think you have nowhere else to go but back to him.
2. When you want to leave he may become sweet as can be, which is what you’ve been waiting for. That way, you won’t want to leave him while he’s being so nice. Watch and wait to see if he has really changed.
3. He may use guilt to keep you on leash, making you feel like he’d die without you.
5. He may try to rush engagement. His talk of “forever” gets you to dream about the future and forget about the present problems.
6. When all else fails, he may threaten you or your loved ones, hoping you will stay out of fear. In other words, he’s like an abusive dog-owner who threatens his puppy with a rolled-up newspaper: “Stay!”
